Ian's big accomplishment!

This has been such a nice and lazy weekend for me and my babies. Even though it was a lazy weekend for us, it was an exciting one for Ian Robert!

Friday night at my parent's house, my dad says to me that I wouldn't even believe him that Ian had went from a laying down position and sat himself up! I couldn't believe I had missed it! We sat around and played with Ian for a little bit, and then all of a sudden, he was doing it! Now that he has started doing it, he can't stop! He does it all day long. He does it in his bed now when he's waking up from sleeping, and he does it to get into his toy basket to see his toys! I am so proud of him :).

And Peyton just gets so excited to play with him! I'm so glad that they have eachother.

Ms.Laurel (Ian's therapist) is going to be so excited to hear about what he has started doing! On top of that, she wanted to start introducing him to food that was textured, to see how he would like it. I fed him some textured green bean and pear mix today, and he just sat there and chomped with his gums, but he seemed to like it. She wants me to pick up some yogurt bites that melt in the mouth, so I am going to do that tomorrow. I'm hoping he loves it so much!

What a perfect, lazy weekend :).

It's 2012!

It's the new year..2012! There are so many things that I am looking forward to this year. Of course, there are certain things that I am going to work on changing for the better, but most of all I'm hoping for a year of happiness for my family.

Peyton is in school and he seems to be liking it a lot! He has a hard time waking up in the morning, but once he gets home from school, he tells me all about his day and how much fun he had playing with his friends!

Ian is getting so big! Peyton will be 4 on March 5, and Ian will be 1 on March 11! I can't believe how the times flies. I can't believe that our baby is going to be 1 already! Ian is becoming more and more strong and smart every single day. He gets on all fours and moves back and forth, back and forth, while trying to crawl. He has picked up one leg and moved it forward, but then toppled over. He will be crawling any day now, and I'm so excited for him! He loves to play right along with his big brother Peyton, and he will babble on and on while trying to talk to us! He is loving all of his baby food. Anything and everything I feed him, he eats. He's eating baby food with meat in it, and he loves it! His therapies are going amazing and I am so proud of his progress so far!

My babies and my husband have my entire heart! It makes it difficult to have Charlie so far away from us in the military, but the boys and I are keeping ourselves busy! Between school, doctor appointments, the random busy life of children, we are just doing everything day by day and we can't wait for 2012 to end (already I know..) so that Charlie can come back home to us! Charlie has yet to really get to meet Ian, and Peyton misses his dad so much.

Of course, that's my husband eating barbeque chips and trying to enjoy himself lol. We love and miss you Charlie and we can't wait for you to come home!

Wonder where I should be at in life...at the moment.

Things have been good since Charlie has left with the army. Well, as good as it can get without him here I guess. Things could be way worse, it's just overwhelming to take on everything. The house, both kids, anything that comes our way. I'm glad I have family and friends here to support me, but it's hard to feel emotionally okay when a huge part of you is missing.

For a long time, I have found myself thinking that something was missing. I have a beautiful life. I love my husband, our boys, and everything that comes along with having a family. My biggest issue, and always has been, is knowing that I have a college degree, and sitting home and not doing what I want to do with it.

For a long time after I graduated I applied to every x-ray tech job I could find. Then, I started to feel upset and heart broken because I couldn't find anything. As time went on, me and Charlie got married, then I got pregnant for Ian, then right after we had Ian, Charlie had to leave 1 week after he was born. He's basically been gone ever since. I figured I was doing the right thing by staying at home with the boys and helping them grow. My mom always stayed home with me and my brother until we got into school, then she went to work. So, I guess it's a good thing, but for some reason, I really want to start working again. Not just any work, but being an x-ray tech, like I went to college for.

College was really rough for me. I was pregnant for Peyton when I found out I had made it into the radiology program. I was in and out of the hospital and missed class time and always had to make it up and catch back up. I was determined not to fail out of the program I worked so hard to get into. After I had Peyton, I would do homework all night while taking care of him. I did my internship while taking care of him, with the help of my family, and when I finally graduated, I realized there were really no jobs out there for me at the time. It was depressing, and still is today.

I guess I'm just feeling down about myself. I love being home with my kids, but I also worked my butt off to get that degree, and I want to use it. That was the purpose of me going to college...to help contribute financially, and be able to be happy going to work every day because it was something I loved doing. I started looking more recently for jobs in our area, since i'm stuck to this area because Charlie is deploying...and I have no real options. Detroit is not something I can do, and neither is Chicago. I am stuck.....but if I'm going to be stuck somewhere until something else happens, I guess I'm happy to say I'm stuck here with my family who is always supportive of me. I have to quit putting myself down because I haven't been able to do what I want work wise, and just be happy to already be done with college, and know that I have the opportunity, when it is presented, to go to work and have a good job.

It's been awhile...

I haven't gotten a chance to do much blogging lately, so I figured while I have a second today, I should make a new post!

Things around here are hectic since Charlie left for Afghanistan. I'm trying to handle things by myself, but it can be very difficult. He left in March, 1 week after Ian was born, and then came back for about a month and left again recently. So I've been alone pretty much for 2011. It's definitely been a hard year for me so far, but I'm getting use to things. I've been trying to stay positive about things, and not worry about other things if I don't really have to.

Both of the boys are doing great. Peyton started school this year and he absolutely loves it! He loves everything about it and can't get enough! Ian is doing so well at everything he tries. He's almost sitting up on his own, but he is almost crawling as well. He gets so upset and frustrated because he wants to get around himself, but he is almost there. He also is eating baby food, and people are always telling me how chunky he is, but I just like to think of it as 'healthy' lol. He has been keeping up with doctor's appointments and his heart appointments, and he has a healthy heart and is over-all a happy baby.

My biggest problem is dealing with myself. Everyone needs to work on self improvement I believe, so I just need to start and get it done. I've realized I don't have many people there for me anymore. And I don't mean to sound whiney, but I already know people go their seperate ways as they get older. I do have people there for emotional support, and mainly it's family and a few friends, but I need to learn that even though I may not even talk to anyone for an entire week, I can't get myself down. I need to realize that I'm just trying to get through this time alone until my husband comes back. It's a very, very lonely place, and I know a lot of women know what I'm talking about when their husband's leave. I'm trying to stay positive, and work on myself. I'm hoping to figure out things I like to do, such as hobbies, and although I'm always busy with the kids, I need to learn ways to keep myself busy doing things that I enjoy too. It needs to get done or else I'll be a pretty sad person for the next year.

Anyway, that's my goal for the next year. To just help my kids grow and learn, to be happy, and kind. To make myself happy as well, and not to rely on others to help make me feel happy. I do have a lot of good stuff going for me and my family, so I just need to be thankful for what we have...especially for being happy and healthy.

Happy Memorial Day!

I'm so thankful that today was such a beautiful day. It was at least 90 degrees for most of the day, and me and the boys took full advantage of that! Peyton and I played basketball in the yard while Ian slept in his swing on the porch. I can't wait until Ian gets bigger so we can all play together. Right now he's kind of just a lump on a log lol. My sweet little baby boy is turning into a chunky boy! I will have to weigh him some time soon. I'm sure he weighs 20 pounds...okay, not that much, but it feels like it haha.

After we hung out at home in the yard, we went over to my dad's for some dinner. He grilled out and made some burgers and hot dogs. We had potato salad, cheesy potatoes, asparagus, and I can't remember what else. I think my memory is going bad..and I'll just blame that on my children for driving me insane lol!

Well, I've been cleaning all day so that I don't have to come home from my vacation to a messy house. I got the rest of my packing done. The boys are packed up, and now I have all of my stuff done. I had some issues with my rental car today so I might just ride around with Charlie's parents when I get there. Oh well, it'll save me a little bit of money. It really puts a damper on your day when something as big as renting a car falls through, but oh well. Nothing can rain on my parade because I am going to see my husband! It's been months now, and I can't wait!

We took our tubby's and showers...and played a little bit. Ian layed in his crib naked so that he could dry off and get some cool air to his body because he was so hot all day! He layed in his crib and stared at his mobile. He loves to listen to it and watch it go around and around.

Then I asked Peyton to let me get a picture of him, but he kept running around Ian's room and laughing, sooo this is the best I could get lol!

What a great day with my sweet baby boys! Happy Memorial Day to everyone :).

One more day!

"Peyton Charles, I love you to Heaven". "Mama, I love you to the mall". LOL I guess it's not as far as Heaven, but I'll take it haha.

I'm going to miss my babies so much when I go on my 5 day vaca...it sure won't feel like a vacation when I don't have my precious little ones with me :(. Maybe I'll come back well rested and have more patience for my boys. We'll see. I have patience..but it's Peyton that can cause me to go insane lol! I'm sure once Ian gets to his age, he'll push my buttons too haha.

I had a really nice day today. I got a phone call from Charlie telling me happy anniversary, and then I went to my grandma and grandpa's for turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and corn on the cob. It was a nice dinner. We came home, hung out, cleaned, and packed. Now we're watching River Monsters! Peyton was eating some popcorn and dropped the popcorn and my bowl on the floor. The bowl broke and popcorn went everywhere! What a mess! Then he told me that he hid a popcorn kernel under one of my pillows in my room. Lol..one little kernel. Took me forever to find, but I did it!

Tomorrow is my last day home before I go see Charlie, and I'm getting excited!

So blah!

Well, I got to talk to Charlie tonight for a little bit. He's getting excited for me and his family to come down and see him. It's kind of settling in that I'm leaving for Oklahoma here in a few days, and I don't know what I feel. I'm happy to see him..and that's all I'm happy for lol. I do NOT want to go down with the bad weather, and I do NOT want to leave my children. I'm so distraught over being away from my babies while I'm gone :(. I've already started being upset and even cried a few nights thinking that I could leave and have something happen to me. Just thinking about not coming home to my precious boys makes me sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't worry so much, but I do. I think that everything bad could happen to me. My plane could crash, I could get killed by a tornado, or something else, I'm sure I'll think of more things as Tuesday comes closer lol! :( :( :( I'm having really bad anxiety over this whole thing. I don't even like leaving them just because I NEED to be with them every second of every day. I just want to cry. I'll probably cry at night when I'm alone in my hotel room without my babies too. Okay...enough of this lol but I'm NOT looking forward to leaving them.

Another things that's annoying, I was in a size 3 before I had Ian..and now I'm into a size 5 or 7. It's not even like I gained any weight, but it's like my hips just keep getting wider lol. They got wide after I had Peyton, but now they're wider after I had Ian. I'm tiny with big hips. Not good..and I don't fit into any pants well. I'm just really frustrated right now. No, a 5 or 7 isn't big, but it's different from where I was, which means I can't fit into anything I already have. Sooo irritating! Oh, and I need a tan lol.

I'm just hoping the boys will sleep well tonight, and maybe go to bed early. I'm so emotional over nothing it seems like, but I need to go to bed. It's just one of those days, I think. It just seems like things just keep repeating themselves, good and bad, but nothing exciting ever happens. It's just a daily thing of the same ole stuff. I love how bright my children make every day for me, but you get what I'm saying!