Well, I got to talk to Charlie tonight for a little bit. He's getting excited for me and his family to come down and see him. It's kind of settling in that I'm leaving for Oklahoma here in a few days, and I don't know what I feel. I'm happy to see him..and that's all I'm happy for lol. I do NOT want to go down with the bad weather, and I do NOT want to leave my children. I'm so distraught over being away from my babies while I'm gone :(. I've already started being upset and even cried a few nights thinking that I could leave and have something happen to me. Just thinking about not coming home to my precious boys makes me sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't worry so much, but I do. I think that everything bad could happen to me. My plane could crash, I could get killed by a tornado, or something else, I'm sure I'll think of more things as Tuesday comes closer lol! :( :( :( I'm having really bad anxiety over this whole thing. I don't even like leaving them just because I NEED to be with them every second of every day. I just want to cry. I'll probably cry at night when I'm alone in my hotel room without my babies too. Okay...enough of this lol but I'm NOT looking forward to leaving them.
Another things that's annoying, I was in a size 3 before I had Ian..and now I'm into a size 5 or 7. It's not even like I gained any weight, but it's like my hips just keep getting wider lol. They got wide after I had Peyton, but now they're wider after I had Ian. I'm tiny with big hips. Not good..and I don't fit into any pants well. I'm just really frustrated right now. No, a 5 or 7 isn't big, but it's different from where I was, which means I can't fit into anything I already have. Sooo irritating! Oh, and I need a tan lol.
I'm just hoping the boys will sleep well tonight, and maybe go to bed early. I'm so emotional over nothing it seems like, but I need to go to bed. It's just one of those days, I think. It just seems like things just keep repeating themselves, good and bad, but nothing exciting ever happens. It's just a daily thing of the same ole stuff. I love how bright my children make every day for me, but you get what I'm saying!
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